Searching for the Thrill of it: One home to the next.

I'll be the first to admit that I am obnoxiously obsessed with Chicago.

Yes, I admit it. I love Chicago and I could talk your ear off about it for hours. In fact, during my last two years of college, I would even go as far as to admit that I probably spent at least two out of four weekends of the month visiting friends in the city sometimes. Sure, the expedition from Northwest Indiana to the south eastern part of Rogers Park was insanely long and involved a bus, 2 trains, and a decent amount of walking, but it was always so worth it. Not only to see good friends that I wasn't able to see all the time, but also to escape the Valpo bubble for somewhere so rich in history, culture, and diversity. Somewhere I could get tapas, GrubHub delivery, sushi, wasabi peas, Thai, organic, Chinese or 7-11 Slurpees at 4AM/Dunkin Donuts at any hour I pleased. You name it, you could find it. Somewhere where I could just hop on a train and head to a completely different neighborhood or village or street, such as the Loop, Lincoln Park, Wrigley, Lakeview, Andersonville, Belmont, Ukrainian Village, the Gold Coast and so forth. Somewhere where an average of 60 different languages were spoken every day by people from all over the world. A massive place with so many new people and so many new resources and so many new opportunities. Above all, the inexplicable allure of the inexhaustible variety of how and where I could choose to spend my time.

That kind of diversified environment was, and still is, like a drug to me. The energy of the people, the skyscrapers, the cars, the trains, the sounds, the feel of the wind, the buses, the bikes...the fact that Chicago is always alive in some kind of way; whether it be the morning rush hour on the CTA Red Line heading south, the lit up stones from important buildings around the world that are mounted on the Chicago Tribune building in the Magnificent Mile after dark, and exhibit at the Art Institute of Chicago museum, or a happy hour cash only drink special in a dive bar in an obscure part of the city, I crave it. I get high off the dynamic city surroundings no matter where or when I go. I'd even go as far as saying that I feel myself coming down from the high the city gives to me when I leave and watch the city disappear behind me. I feel my energy dip and my mood crash to go from having the possibility of everything to the certainty of nothing. Except for some corn fields. And Gary.

It is no secret that I've been planning on moving to Chicago after college graduation for awhile now. I've talked, tweeted, Instagrammed, Snapchatted, and captured so many aspects of what it is that I love about this place and what makes it so sacred to who I am and who I want to be at this point in my life. I can't believe that come tomorrow, I'll finally be a resident of the city that I've been wanting to live in for as long as I can remember.

However, its incredibly strange to comprehend the fact that I'm leaving my home behind for a new one, no matter how enthralled I am. The photos and paintings have been taken off the walls, the decorative glass and other art pieces are packed and stowed away in bubblewrap, the silver Mazda sedan is sold and gone, the rugs are cleaned and rolled up, and the pantry/fridge/freezer are all gradually getting more and more empty...its all finally becoming real that this is no longer our home of 12 years. Although honestly, it really should finally begin to feel real, because July 31st, 2014 is fast approaching.

But due to standing up in two of my best friends' wedding on August 2nd, I needed to be moved out earlier than July 31st. In fact, as of yesterday, me and Ken FINALLY got the keys to our place after a long, grueling and exhausting apartment search.

Whilst ~~obsessively stalking~~ perusing Craigslist regularly like what me and Ken both had been doing ~~all the time~~ frequently for the past few months, my mom actually came across a great looking post on Tuesday, contacted the landlord, and made plans to view it the following evening, and we essentially fell in love with it.

The main entrance/courtyard

Entrance

Its perplexing to consider this suburban town home is technically not my home anymore. These walls watched me grow up. The walls that have witnessed me getting ready for 2 graduations, 2 proms, 4 homecomings, countless choir and band concerts, play and musical rehearsals, auditions, first dates, work shifts, school days and church gatherings. The walls that have charged 12 different cell phones of mine. The walls in which I applied to college in, packed up for college in, and returned home from college to; for breaks, and after graduation. This whole house, even more specifically this room that I'm typing these very words in, has literally watched me grow during some of the more significant parts of my life. From child/preteen, to dweeby middle schooler, to awkward high school underclassman, to nerdy high school upperclassman, to high school senior/graduate, to naive college freshman, to dedicated and busy college junior, to world traveler, to college graduate, and all the way to “adult”.........(whatever THAT means).

I have found it incredibly bizarre to grasp leaving behind this entire neighborhood that I built my life up around over the past 22.6 years. I know all the streets and intersections, the restaurants, the schools (both public and private), the grocery stores, the coffee shops, and etcetera. I'm nearby to Lake street and all the memories made I've made with family, friends, fleeting love interests and just myself alone, where in middle school I'd scour the clearance section at Claire's Accessories, sneak into R-rated movies when I was 15, and eventually where I'd drink wine flights and try different craft beers at Lake Street Kitchen and Bar.

I find it funny how so much of your life and who you are changes literally constantly as you grow and experience new things every day, but you never really notice how much you've grown up until you allow yourself to look back at old photos and art projects and play scripts and journals and notes written by friends during Advanced Bio in high school. Its very clear that I’m not the same person I was 12, 5, 3 months ago, let alone 12, 5, 3 years ago, and it feels like this room is the only place I know of that has seen all the parts of who I am and strive to be, who I've become since the 5th grade, and everything in between. Interestingly enough, I calculated that it won’t be until I am almost 35 years old until someone has the possibility of outstaying me and my family in this property. With moving out of this house and away from this area, it almost feels as though I’m forcibly abandoning a part of me. But of course, I knew this would all happen someday. But someday is now. Someday actually is finally here.

As excited as I am to take on this whole new part of my life where I'm living in a city that is the light of the stars in my eyes, leaving these walls and this floor and this roof will be difficult to do. I can't help but feel as though these walls in this room will have to hold a "piece" of me within in them. No one else has lived or has spent nearly as much time in this room as I have. It is my comfort zone. My happy place. My home. But similar to how I felt about college pre graduation, I know that its time to move on from the comfort zone. After calling these western suburbs of Chicago my home for a little over two decades, I can't allow myself to keep living in the same safe and simple environment. Life isn't meant to be lived in one place, and even though I'm technically not going to be moving far, I'll be far enough away to say that there will be no reason for me to come back here for anything other than my dentist/doctor, and to see my extended family on my Dad's side. Other than those two connections, there is nothing left for me anymore in this area that has contributed so much to who I've become. Its frightening to leave behind something so familiar, so easy, so comfortable. Its overwhelming to know I won't have a clue where the nearest dry cleaner, or ice cream shop or movie theatre is. Its intimidating to not know all the streets like the back of my hand.

Leaving here is frightening, overwhelming and intimidating. But it is time for me to go.

I am ready to go.

Have a wonderful and safe weekend pretties! I'll post again soon about my new neighborhood :) ❥

Thought of the day:

(It only felt fitting)

"New York is one of the capitals of the world and Los Angeles is a constellation of plastic, San Francisco is a lady, Boston has become Urban Renewal, Philadelphia, Baltimore and Washington wink like dull diamonds in the smog of Eastern Megalopolis, and New Orleans is unremarkable past the French Quarter. Detroit is... a one-trade town, Pittsburgh has lost its golden triangle, St. Louis has become the golden arch of the corporation, and nights in Kansas City close early. The oil depletion allowance makes Houston and Dallas naught but checkerboards for this sort of game. But Chicago is a great American city. Perhaps it is the last of the great American cities."

-Normal Mailer, Miami and the Siege of Chicago: An Informal History of the Republican and Democratic Conventions of 1968