HOWEVER, when we got to the Morgan stop of the Green Line, we received news that the drawbridge across the Chicago River was up, so we would be forced to hold tight for "a few minutes". Well, the few minutes turned to multiple minutes, until finally the conductor on the loudspeaker gave us the news that there was an electrical issue in putting the bridge back in place. Awesome. So I called work and told them I'd be a little late, thinking maybe I'd be in by 11:15. Soon, it was 11:20; 30 minutes (or technically 32 if you're anal retentive about time like me) after my expected arrival time at 10:38AM. The conductor came back on the loudspeaker, and gave us the news that the bridge was not cooperating and that we all needed to exit the train immediately unless we wanted to head back to Harlem/Lake. Therefore I was forced to walk the half hour from the intersection of Morgan and Lake to West Randolph, and subsequently got to work an hour and ten minutes late at 12:10PM.
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| Drawbridge - 1, CTA - 0 |
As I was walking to work, my mind wandered to Murphy's Law, and how this trip I had so seamlessly executed as I have several times before went wrong, because it could. I couldn't help but think of one of my favorite and most memorable quotes from books I read in my elementary/middle English classes that has and continuous to make an impact on me; a quote from a character in John Steinbeck's Of Mice and Men, or, more specifically, a line from a Scots poem written by Robert Burns in 1785, entitled as "To a Mouse, on Turning Her Up in Her Nest with the Plough", or "To a Mouse" for short. The originally written line, semi difficult to comprehend as its written in the Scots language, reads as "The best laid schemes o’ mice an’ men / Gang aft a-gley." Its safe to say that I know maybe 8 out of the 11 words from this poem excerpt, as I can't say I regularly use the phrase "Gang aft a-gley" often. Or actually ever.
But, lucky for me/students all over the United States/the entire library of American literature, John Steinbeck somehow had knowledge of Burns' work, and translated and incorporated that particular phrase from Burns' poem, with the direct Scots-English translation and line from Steinbeck's highly praised book that is even titled after it, with the line from the story specifically written as: "The best laid schemes of mice and men / Often go awry."
That line of poetry inspired the title of a book written by Nobel Prize-winning author John Steinbeck has become a commonplace phrase in our everyday language, used when regarding the inexhaustible unpredictability of life and how even though plans can be made and dreams can be had and goals can be set, there is absolutely no certainty that the plans made will be accomplished, or that dreams will become a reality, or that goals will be achieved because something bad can always happen, or things won't end up quite as planned.
While I, and probably you, aren't living a life anything like George and Lennie's, its difficult to not feel resentment toward that infamously used metaphor. After all, the concept of accepting that sometimes the most careful, best and most well prepared plans may go wrong almost feels like its your failure. You can go over and over and over what went wrong and why it went wrong and what you could've done to not have failed, as you're not doing what you said you were going to do. I know because I've been there and I've felt it where the goal has not been met. The dream remains unrealized. The plans being nothing but a skeleton of such a strong idea or set of ideas.
This quote has for some reason been stuck in my head over the past few weeks more than it has since I studied it sophomore year of high school, as it feels as though Murphy's Law has been flirting with a bunch of my current plans, dreams and goals recently.
1) WORK/EMPLOYMENT
Welp, as of Tuesday the 16th, I began work at Zara, the clothing retailer where I mentioned I was hired as a Sales Associate in my last posting. Its going alright. I mean, most importantly its an income, and it keeps me consistently active and busy, with welcoming and helpful coworkers, little to no downtime as there's always some kind of project to accomplish, and so many clothes that are constantly changing around every day. Not to mention all the clothing I'm working with makes me 😍.
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| Me in the full uniform! Oh and pay no attention to my face; I can't take mirror pics to save my life |
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| Shoutout to my first visitor/college friend Amanda on snapping this while she was there! 😘 |
However, the great aspects about this job aside, I'm afraid to admit that I was little mislead about some things that were discussed in my interview. For example, I was slightly disappointed to have learned that being able advance your career with Zara isn't as easy as I was led to believe while I was going through the application process with them. I feel like I'm on the floor folding, replenishing, back stocking, hanger switching, and returning the rejected garments from the dressing room to their rightful place in the store ALL the time...but I technically haven't even worked or been scheduled for a full-time (40 hour) workweek yet, which sets off two very different yet concrete alarms in my head:
1) I HAVE to work at LEAST 40 hours a week to live a life in Chicago thats frugal at best, and I have yet to have been scheduled for anything close to 40 hours a week, even though I was also reassured that such hours would be available to me.
2) Mentally, I feel extraordinarily unfulfilled by the work I'm doing. For example, if I'm getting this burnt out, agitated, and restless with my current position after working after such a short period of time...that seems like a bad sign.
Now, those two little problems aside, I must make a point of saying that it is not a bad place to work at all. In fact, this job is currently the sole reason I'm not shitting bricks regarding the fact that I'm going to be forced to be 100% financially independent by August 1st. Its a great store and corporation with a unique marketing strategy. I definitely enjoy going into work, as I know I'll have a good time with my coworkers and I'll hopefully receive the opportunity to help customers put together outfits and feel good about themselves (pretty much the best feeling ever).
Nevertheless, as the days of me being a Sales Associate roll on, its becoming more and more apparent that retail is not for me, meaning the odds of this job amounting into something bigger with the company is looking like less and less of an option. The work is very mindless, monotonous and simple. I can go on "autopilot" and not even really think about what I'm doing because the work is so menial and easy. Not being able to actively think and engage myself by doing things such as brainstorming ideas and not being able to challenge myself and grow as a person gets to my psyche more than I ever thought it would and makes me uneasy. So while I was planning on staying with the company full-time for about six months to try and work my way to a higher-level status in the company, due to the financial situation I find myself in, that no longer seems like it could even be a possibility even if I liked working retail. So now I'm back on that LinkedIn/CareerBuilder/Monster/Indeed grind; constantly sending out resumes and cover letters. It does disappoint me, as I was not looking for something not so fleeting and temporary. I believed that I could grow within the company within a matter of months, but that is just not the case.
BUT ALAS! SOME GOOD NEWS! I recently found a position that I REEEEEAAAALLLYYY like in the sales/communication field, and I can confidently say that I meet every piece of criteria they're looking for under the job requirements list on the posting. I just submitted all my information through an employee that happens to be a distant relative of mine that made sure he referred my application to the hiring manager, so I'll be waiting to hear back from the company hopefully within the next few business days. I'm not going to get into specifics about its location/job title/description on here right now just because I don't want to jinx myself, but GOOD VIBES ARE WELCOME! I need all the help I can get!
2) APARTMENT HUNTING
LOL. I don't know what possibly made me think that this process was going to be super fun when I first began looking for places to live after July 31st. This past month has thrown me for a loop regarding not only finding an apartment (that is preferably safe, in a good location, has an adequate amount of room, and doesn't break the bank) but also finding roommates. Since my last blog entry, I have had 16 potentials (a Craigslist ad contributed to that number, FYI), but as of yesterday afternoon in fact, I'm pretty sure I have found two other roommates for a 3BR apartment somewhere on the north side. One of them is Ken, also a recent college grad from University of Tulsa whose mom went to Valpo with my mom, and was in fact my mom's grand little in her sorority. Their family recently moved to the Forest Park area, and my mom and his mom reconnected a few weeks ago. Ken needed a roommate, and I needed a roommate, so our mom worked their magic and we began texting, then met in person, and actually went on an apartment viewing together this past Tuesday on Lawrence (definite nope). The other roommate that completes the trio is Sue, also a recent college graduate from a school in the south whom I met through the Chi Omega Fraternity group on LinkedIn (GREEK LIFE NETWORKING FTW)!
As for finding that perfect 3 BR apartment though? It has been a less than pleasant process thus far, but I know something will come up. Unfortunately, after touring The Dreamhouse (see last entry) with my mom a few weeks ago and both of us falling madly in love with it/wanting to show it to Ken ASAP so we could look at signing that lease ASAP and then sending a text to the landlord of The Dreamhouse on Monday night, I woke up to a text back from him saying that a couple had literally signed the lease the night before....actual heartbreak.
SO NOW, I've been aggressively stalking Craigslist and PadMapper whenever I'm not working/applying to jobs in order to look at all the possibilities we can find. I mean, lets be real; in a perfect world we'd find a 3BR, spacious, attractive/secure, and moderately priced apartment in Lincoln Park or Lakeview. I suppose we shouldn't go into this process expecting a miracle, but I know for fact that Craigslist has a knack for having some hidden gems. I can only hope such a situation happens to us. I know we'd all be content living in Edgewater, Andersonville, and south Rogers Park if need be.
3) $$$
Ugh. I hate talking about money, because like 99.97% of people in the world, its something that I feel like I will never have enough of. After receiving some unexpected news that the little bit of extra cushioning money I was relying in effort to get on my feet for a few months in the beginning is now no longer a possibility. The very real threat of me not having enough money in order to literally survive while living off of the tightest budget possible in Chicago (includes: groceries, rent, utilities, cell phone, internet, CTA monthly pass) is never not on my mind. It goes without saying that if I cannot find a salary-based position ASAP, I will absolutely need to find a second job in addition to Zara to make ends meet until that salary-based position happens.
It was recently suggested to me that I should expand my job search outside of Chicago, and to be honest, I shudder at that thought at the moment. It has been a life goal of mine to live in Chicago; especially since I finally am free to have the chance to live there now that I'm no longer under any obligation to return anywhere for school come mid-August. While I know it'd be extremely difficult and very exhausting, I would work two jobs if that meant being able to live in an environment that is constantly so full of life and culture and energy. Of course, I'm applying to other places just to see whats out there, but it will take a lot of heavy convincing to relocate me to another place. I know I'm at an advantage if some kind of perfect position wants to hire me in some place other than Chicago; I'm young, motivated, unattached from any kind of significant other, free from all debts other than some of those pesky student loans, and I know I'll have access to a car if necessary. If a phenomenal opportunity arose for me elsewhere, who am I to say no?
While the option of relocating is still technically open, I can't see myself moving away from here in the foreseeable future. This city has a vice on me that will remain until I actually become a part of it. I WILL find a way to make it work. I will because I have to do this for myself.
SO. Whats next you may ask? I am almost certainly going to move into Chicago with my two roommates I've found, and I'm of course planning to keep on applying to any place that fits the criteria I studied over the past 4 years in college and keep on generating as much income as I humanly can in the meantime. I have 33 days left until I have to be totally and completely on my own in my own apartment with my own security, and I'd be lying if I said I'm not a little petrified at how quickly that day is coming up, and not finding "home" in Forest Park anymore. But I'm trying to feel that fear and make it motivate me and strengthen me and turn that fear into sheer elation. The unknown and unfamiliar future is scarier than the comfortable and safe present certainty, but the unfamiliar is always without a doubt the more exciting endeavor.
Most importantly, I've been reminded very early on throughout this post-grad life that sometimes things won't go as they're planned, no matter the circumstance. It can be a job, a relationship, a trip, your own personal "Dreamhouse" apartment, or your entire overall map of your future life with marriage and children and grandchildren and retirement...it doesn't matter. The most important part is to bounce back and not let yourself get defeated when those best laid plans go awry, because they will. But sometimes, those plans not following through may just be the best thing that can happen to you.
Of course, I'll let you all know when I know my skewed path leads me to the right direction. In the meantime, I'll appreciate the journey of getting where I'm supposed to go.
Until next time,
Rachel ❥
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