Beginnings, ends, and the pursuit of finding happiness in a job.

NOW, I promise you that I didn't forget about this blog or forget about all you beauties that are reading this now/have read this blog before. In fact, there are at least 4 saved blog post drafts that I began with full intentions of finishing and publishing, however its been a loooong, busy and overall intense almost 3 months since I last updated on this whole post graduate life thing. In fact, I don't even know where to start, as I was a bridesmaid for two of my best friends back in early August, I bid my parents and Chachi farewell to Slovakia, and I have gone through a total of 3 different jobs since my last post.

I left my job as a Sales Associate at Zara about 5 weeks ago because I had finally hit the post-grad, full-time, salaried/benefited big-girl-job jackpot as a Marketing Assistant for a company that builds sets, exhibits, promotional event materials, and a slew of other pieces in and around Chicago. I had great vibes about what an awesome company I was working for, and what great things I could do in this position for this company. I was going to be able to present what the company does to different ad agencies in Chicago, and update their Social Media profiles, and be able to travel to different trade shows around the country.

Or so I had been told.

After a few weeks of settling into my position, I began to realize that this company wasn't quite as awesome as I had previously believed. I began to pick up on just how negative of an environment it was to work in, and how I wasn't entirely told the whole truth about how I would spend the majority of my time. In addition, I thought by accepting a position in a company in which I was surrounded by adults in their 40s-60s, I wouldn't have to deal with people regularly talking behind others' backs and acting like besties to their faces, constant yelling and complaining, and blatant disrespect that I witnessed directed towards fellow employees, and towards myself on occasion.

I'd find myself doing a whooooole lot more bitchwork than I was told I'd be doing during my interview. Obviously I knew there'd be some errands and orders I'd have to run, such as making coffee or taking my boss' dog for a walk, but I had to do other things that were slightly ridiculous, such as spending an entire day on Whitepages.com to obtain all 135 names and unit numbers of the CEO's Lake Shore Drive condominium building so he could invite them all to a private event that had nothing to do with work because the condo association refused to give him the names/units of the residents, orrrr the time when I had to find and book the cheapest flights for his parents who needed to visit Vermont for 2 days...when their expected trip was less than a month out, therefore making a cheap, non-stop flight virtually impossible and all the while he just sat at his desk playing solitaire on his computer, ORRR the time one of the employees ordered a new set of business cards, and upon me forwarding the proofs to said employee so they could double check their listed information and subsequently getting his 'ok' to order them, I got chewed out by my supervisor for not also double checking his information on the card proof, as it turned out the employee had 'ok'd his business card proofs that didn't have his correct email address. Being in the office quickly became stifling to me, and I realized my favorite time of day was my lunch break so that I could leave the building for an hour and not have to interact with the unpleasant coworkers, or witness someone back-talking their supposed "friend".

Ultimately, I'd find myself coming home from work stressed, agitated and cranky. I was also disappointed with fact I wasn't allowed to take any vacation days within my first 6 months. Not like it really mattered though because new employees only started out with two vacation days a year. Yes, you read that right. Two (2) vacation days and two sick days within your first year of employment there. While the vacation days/sick days would accrue over my time being employed there, it really frustrated me to know that I had absolutely no idea when I would be able to visit my parents in Slovakia. The shortest trip you should ever take to Europe is 10 days, which would take me years to accrue...more years than my parents are even planning on living there.

I mean, sure, the compensation wasn't bad which was obviously something I wasn't complaining about, but when it all comes down to it........I'm 22 years old. I am entirely too young to be settling into a position just because the money makes life more comfortable. I don't want to sacrifice my happiness for money ever, but by slaving myself to a job that wasn't a good fit just so I could pay my bills, I was doing exactly that.

So, my fancy-pants, shiny real-life job didn't work out as I had hoped, which was really upsetting. My last day there was roughly 3 weeks ago, and I've been so much happier since then.

If you know me at all, you know how much I thrive on having a plan. Especially when it comes to things like employment. I've had a job pretty consistently since I was 16 years old, with the only exceptions being my freshman year of college, and when I was abroad for 4 months. It felt uncomfortably strange waking up and not having anything to do for a few of those weeks after my last day. Frankly I didn't quite know what to do with myself, as applying to jobs online is straight up hopeless 99% of the time and I would've rather shoved bamboo shoots up my fingernails than return to retail, so I put my feelers out and ended up hearing through my friend thats an employee at Luxbar across the street that theeee infamous, iconic and world-renowned Gibsons Bar & Steakhouse at 1028 N. Rush Street  in the Gold Coast was in dire need of hosts.

Some backstory here: I've hosted at two other restaurants before in my life, and I (generally) really liked it, and have always had a sort of knack for the job/restaurant work. Not only is it one of those service industry jobs that I actually quite enjoy (as it doesn't involve folding shirts and dealing with fitting room numbers) but I'm also quite good at it. Sure, the hours are longer and the work is mentally and physically demanding and very high stress, but I'm good with problem solving, displaying grace under pressure, and overall just being smiley, friendly, gracious and polite no matter how much I want to punch certain rude/arrogant/entitled/obnoxious guests in the face.

On Wednesday, the 8th, after primping, picking out a dress and heels, and printing out my resume, I went in to apply. I filled my application out and was immediately greeted by a Gibsons manager. After speaking with him and another manager, I was asked to come back the next night to meet Kathy, the head manager that has been at the restaurant for the past 25 years (!!!!!!). This woman is on a first name basis with not only all of the "locals" (more about that later) that dine at Gibsons regularly, but also with guests like Bill Clinton, and Clint Eastwood (...nbd or anything...). Sure enough, after meeting her last Thursday, I was offered the position, and started training a week ago.

Just a little sample of the hundreds of celebrities, athletes, politicians, and overall important and well known people Gibsons Bar & Steakhouse has served over the last 25 years

The Gibsons Restaurant Group is unlike any place I've ever worked. First things first, its definitely a place that you go to "see and be seen", as the photo above exemplifies. As a part of my training, I spent time with the reservationists; which are people who have the sole job of sitting on the phones from 8AM-10PM Monday-Sunday and taking reservations for those that call in. These employees deal with over 1,000 phone calls a day from people looking to dine with us. We use OpenTable, a seating/reservation program tool that I'm currently in the process of learning. It stores information about each and every individual guest that makes a reservation with us. It also denotes the "locals", which are people that have dined with us many times. Typically, these people are somewhat picky about things, and can be somewhat...demanding:

I rest my case.

Frankly, after working these past 4 nights at both Gibsons and at Hugo's Frog Bar & Fish House next door, I really do love it, and I'm excited to be a hostess again with what feels like the Cadillac of restaurant groups. Also, being able to take off work to both travel and be able to visit my parents in Europe is a huuuuuuge blessing that I know I wouldn't be able to do if I got another full-time position at the moment.

That all said, as much as I love being a host and love working in restaurants, I know I can't hold that position forever, and I know I can't work in restaurants forever. I mean, I probably could become a manager or server eventually, but I don't forsee myself wanting to do that as of now. I'm not really sure how long I'll keep this job for, but I'm content with where I'm at, and its truly an honor that I can work for such a highly-esteemed company. I know where my skills and passions lie, and at this point in my life I'm looking for an opportunity to be able to travel and see the world.

So we'll see where life takes me. I'm still (and probably will always be) learning to find peace in the fact that nothing ever really happens like I expect it will. But in the meantime, I'll be enjoying the ride.

Adieu,
Rachel ❥


Thought of the day:


"Breathe, my friend. You are not old, you are young. You are not a mess, you are normal. Extraordinary, perhaps. In the blink of an eye, your life will change. And it will continue to change for decades to come Enjoy it, embrace it...be grateful for the ride. You are not old, you are young. And faith will get your everywhere. Just you wait."
-Abby Larson

One home to the next.

I'll be the first to admit that I am obnoxiously obsessed with Chicago.

Yes, I admit it. I love Chicago and I could talk your ear off about it for hours. In fact, during my last two years of college, I would even go as far as to admit that I probably spent at least two out of four weekends of the month visiting friends in the city sometimes. Sure, the expedition from Northwest Indiana to the south eastern part of Rogers Park was insanely long and involved a bus, 2 trains, and a decent amount of walking, but it was always so worth it. Not only to see good friends that I wasn't able to see all the time, but also to escape the Valpo bubble for somewhere so rich in history, culture, and diversity. Somewhere I could get tapas, GrubHub delivery, sushi, wasabi peas, Thai, organic, Chinese or 7-11 Slurpees at 4AM/Dunkin Donuts at any hour I pleased. You name it, you could find it. Somewhere where I could just hop on a train and head to a completely different neighborhood or village or street, such as the Loop, Lincoln Park, Wrigley, Lakeview, Andersonville, Belmont, Ukrainian Village, the Gold Coast and so forth. Somewhere where an average of 60 different languages were spoken every day by people from all over the world. A massive place with so many new people and so many new resources and so many new opportunities. Above all, the inexplicable allure of the inexhaustible variety of how and where I could choose to spend my time. 

That kind of diversified environment was, and still is, like a drug to me. The energy of the people, the skyscrapers, the cars, the trains, the sounds, the feel of the wind, the buses, the bikes...the fact that Chicago is always alive in some kind of way; whether it be the morning rush hour on the CTA Red Line heading south, the lit up stones from important buildings around the world that are mounted on the Chicago Tribune building in the Magnificent Mile after dark, and exhibit at the Art Institute of Chicago museum, or a happy hour cash only drink special in a dive bar in an obscure part of the city, I crave it. I get high off the dynamic city surroundings no matter where or when I go. I'd even go as far as saying that I feel myself coming down from the high the city gives to me when I leave and watch the city disappear behind me. I feel my energy dip and my mood crash to go from having the possibility of everything to the certainty of nothing. Except for some corn fields. And Gary.

It is no secret that I've been planning on moving to Chicago after college graduation for awhile now. I've talked, tweeted, Instagrammed, Snapchatted, and captured so many aspects of what it is that I love about this place and what makes it so sacred to who I am and who I want to be at this point in my life. I can't believe that come tomorrow, I'll finally be a resident of the city that I've been wanting to live in for as long as I can remember.

However, its incredibly strange to comprehend the fact that I'm leaving my home behind for a new one, no matter how enthralled I am. The photos and paintings have been taken off the walls, the decorative glass and other art pieces are packed and stowed away in bubblewrap, the silver Mazda sedan is sold and gone, the rugs are cleaned and rolled up, and the pantry/fridge/freezer are all gradually getting more and more empty...its all finally becoming real that this is no longer our home of 12 years. Although honestly, it really should finally begin to feel real, because July 31st, 2014 is fast approaching.

But due to standing up in two of my best friends' wedding on August 2nd, I needed to be moved out earlier than July 31st. In fact, as of yesterday, me and Ken FINALLY got the keys to our place after a long, grueling and exhausting apartment search. 

Whilst obsessively stalking perusing Craigslist regularly like what me and Ken both had been doing all the time frequently for the past few months, my mom actually came across a great looking post on Tuesday, contacted the landlord, and made plans to view it the following evening, and we essentially fell in love with it. 

The main entrance/courtyard

Entrance

Its perplexing to consider this suburban town home is technically not my home anymore. These walls watched me grow up. The walls that have witnessed me getting ready for 2 graduations, 2 proms, 4 homecomings, countless choir and band concerts, play and musical rehearsals, auditions, first dates, work shifts, school days and church gatherings. The walls that have charged 12 different cell phones of mine. The walls in which I applied to college in, packed up for college in, and returned home from college to; for breaks, and after graduation. This whole house, even more specifically this room that I'm typing these very words in, has literally watched me grow during some of the more significant parts of my life. From child/preteen, to dweeby middle schooler, to awkward high school underclassman, to nerdy high school upperclassman, to high school senior/graduate, to naive college freshman, to dedicated and busy college junior, to world traveler, to college graduate, and all the way to “adult”.........(whatever THAT means).

I have found it incredibly bizarre to grasp leaving behind this entire neighborhood that I built my life up around over the past 22.6 years. I know all the streets and intersections, the restaurants, the schools (both public and private), the grocery stores, the coffee shops, and etcetera. I'm nearby to Lake street and all the memories made I've made with family, friends, fleeting love interests and just myself alone, where in middle school I'd scour the clearance section at Claire's Accessories, sneak into R-rated movies when I was 15, and eventually where I'd drink wine flights and try different craft beers at Lake Street Kitchen and Bar. 

I find it funny how so much of your life and who you are changes literally constantly as you grow and experience new things every day, but you never really notice how much you've grown up until you allow yourself to look back at old photos and art projects and play scripts and journals and notes written by friends during Advanced Bio in high school. Its very clear that I’m not the same person I was 12, 5, 3 months ago, let alone 12, 5, 3 years ago, and it feels like this room is the only place I know of that has seen all the parts of who I am and strive to be, who I've become since the 5th grade, and everything in between. Interestingly enough, I calculated that it won’t be until I am almost 35 years old until someone has the possibility of outstaying me and my family in this property. With moving out of this house and away from this area, it almost feels as though I’m forcibly abandoning a part of me. But of course, I knew this would all happen someday. But someday is now. Someday actually is finally here.

As excited as I am to take on this whole new part of my life where I'm living in a city that is the light of the stars in my eyes, leaving these walls and this floor and this roof will be difficult to do. I can't help but feel as though these walls in this room will have to hold a "piece" of me within in them. No one else has lived or has spent nearly as much time in this room as I have. It is my comfort zone. My happy place. My home. But similar to how I felt about college pre graduation, I know that its time to move on from the comfort zone. After calling these western suburbs of Chicago my home for a little over two decades, I can't allow myself to keep living in the same safe and simple environment. Life isn't meant to be lived in one place, and even though I'm technically not going to be moving far, I'll be far enough away to say that there will be no reason for me to come back here for anything other than my dentist/doctor, and to see my extended family on my Dad's side. Other than those two connections, there is nothing left for me anymore in this area that has contributed so much to who I've become. Its frightening to leave behind something so familiar, so easy, so comfortable. Its overwhelming to know I won't have a clue where the nearest dry cleaner, or ice cream shop or movie theatre is.  Its intimidating to not know all the streets like the back of my hand.

Leaving here is frightening, overwhelming and intimidating. But it is time for me to go. 

I am ready to go.

Have a wonderful and safe weekend pretties! I'll post again soon about my new neighborhood :) ❥

Thought of the day: 

(It only felt fitting)

"New York is one of the capitals of the world and Los Angeles is a constellation of plastic, San Francisco is a lady, Boston has become Urban Renewal, Philadelphia, Baltimore and Washington wink like dull diamonds in the smog of Eastern Megalopolis, and New Orleans is unremarkable past the French Quarter. Detroit is... a one-trade town, Pittsburgh has lost its golden triangle, St. Louis has become the golden arch of the corporation, and nights in Kansas City close early. The oil depletion allowance makes Houston and Dallas naught but checkerboards for this sort of game. But Chicago is a great American city. Perhaps it is the last of the great American cities."

-Normal Mailer, Miami and the Siege of Chicago: An Informal History of the Republican and Democratic Conventions of 1968

BONUSSSS: More pictures of the apartment below!

Those best laid plans.

Yesterday (6/28/2014), I had work at 11AM. Now, after the past few weeks I've learned that my trip from the front door of my present home in Forest Park, IL to my job at Zara, right in the loop across the street from the Oriental Theatre, is preeeeetty close to being almost always a 41 minute commute via the Harlem/Lake Green Line Station; give or take a few minutes here or there if there is a person who needs assistance boarding/a lot of people/if the train runs express/you name it. So I left my house, got onto my intended 10:20AM heading to Cottage Grove, and was on my merry way per usual.

HOWEVER, when we got to the Morgan stop of the Green Line, we received news that the drawbridge across the Chicago River was up, so we would be forced to hold tight for "a few minutes". Well, the few minutes turned to multiple minutes, until finally the conductor on the loudspeaker gave us the news that there was an electrical issue in putting the bridge back in place. Awesome. So I called work and told them I'd be a little late, thinking maybe I'd be in by 11:15. Soon, it was 11:20; 30 minutes (or technically 32 if you're anal retentive about time like me) after my expected arrival time at 10:38AM. The conductor came back on the loudspeaker, and gave us the news that the bridge was not cooperating and that we all needed to exit the train immediately unless we wanted to head back to Harlem/Lake. Therefore I was forced to walk the half hour from the intersection of Morgan and Lake to West Randolph, and subsequently got to work an hour and ten minutes late at 12:10PM.

Drawbridge - 1, CTA - 0

As I was walking to work, my mind wandered to Murphy's Law, and how this trip I had so seamlessly executed as I have several times before went wrong, because it could. I couldn't help but think of one of my favorite and most memorable quotes from books I read in my elementary/middle English classes that has and continuous to make an impact on me; a quote from a character in John Steinbeck's Of Mice and Men, or, more specifically, a line from a Scots poem written by Robert Burns in 1785, entitled as "To a Mouse, on Turning Her Up in Her Nest with the Plough", or "To a Mouse" for short. The originally written line, semi difficult to comprehend as its written in the Scots language, reads as "The best laid schemes o’ mice an’ men / Gang aft a-gley." Its safe to say that I know maybe 8 out of the 11 words from this poem excerpt, as I can't say I regularly use the phrase "Gang aft a-gley" often. Or actually ever.


But, lucky for me/students all over the United States/the entire library of American literature, John Steinbeck somehow had knowledge of Burns' work, and translated and incorporated that particular phrase from Burns' poem, with the direct Scots-English translation and line from Steinbeck's highly praised book that is even titled after it, with the line from the story specifically written as: "The best laid schemes of mice and men / Often go awry."

That line of poetry inspired the title of a book written by Nobel Prize-winning author John Steinbeck has become a commonplace phrase in our everyday language, used when regarding the inexhaustible unpredictability of life and how even though plans can be made and dreams can be had and goals can be set, there is absolutely no certainty that the plans made will be accomplished, or that dreams will become a reality, or that goals will be achieved because something bad can always happen, or things won't end up quite as planned.

While I, and probably you, aren't living a life anything like George and Lennie's, its difficult to not feel resentment toward that infamously used metaphor. After all, the concept of accepting that sometimes the most careful, best and most well prepared plans may go wrong almost feels like its your failure. You can go over and over and over what went wrong and why it went wrong and what you could've done to not have failed, as you're not doing what you said you were going to do. I know because I've been there and I've felt it where the goal has not been met. The dream remains unrealized. The plans being nothing but a skeleton of such a strong idea or set of ideas.

This quote has for some reason been stuck in my head over the past few weeks more than it has since I studied it sophomore year of high school, as it feels as though Murphy's Law has been flirting with a bunch of my current plans, dreams and goals recently.

1) WORK/EMPLOYMENT
Welp, as of Tuesday the 16th, I began work at Zara, the clothing retailer where I mentioned I was hired as a Sales Associate in my last posting. Its going alright. I mean, most importantly its an income, and it keeps me consistently active and busy, with welcoming and helpful coworkers, little to no downtime as there's always some kind of project to accomplish, and so many clothes that are constantly changing around every day. Not to mention all the clothing I'm working with makes me 😍.

Me in the full uniform! Oh and pay no attention to my face; I can't take mirror pics to save my life

Shoutout to my first visitor/college friend Amanda on snapping this while she was there! 😘

However, the great aspects about this job aside, I'm afraid to admit that I was little mislead about some things that were discussed in my interview. For example, I was slightly disappointed to have learned that being able advance your career with Zara isn't as easy as I was led to believe while I was going through the application process with them. I feel like I'm on the floor folding, replenishing, back stocking, hanger switching, and returning the rejected garments from the dressing room to their rightful place in the store ALL the time...but I technically haven't even worked or been scheduled for a full-time (40 hour) workweek yet, which sets off two very different yet concrete alarms in my head:

1) I HAVE to work at LEAST 40 hours a week to live a life in Chicago thats frugal at best, and I have yet to have been scheduled for anything close to 40 hours a week, even though I was also reassured that such hours would be available to me.

2) Mentally, I feel extraordinarily unfulfilled by the work I'm doing. For example, if I'm getting this burnt out, agitated, and restless with my current position after working after such a short period of time...that seems like a bad sign.

Now, those two little problems aside, I must make a point of saying that it is not a bad place to work at all. In fact, this job is currently the sole reason I'm not shitting bricks regarding the fact that I'm going to be forced to be 100% financially independent by August 1st. Its a great store and corporation with a unique marketing strategy. I definitely enjoy going into work, as I know I'll have a good time with my coworkers and I'll hopefully receive the opportunity to help customers put together outfits and feel good about themselves (pretty much the best feeling ever).

Nevertheless, as the days of me being a Sales Associate roll on, its becoming more and more apparent that retail is not for me, meaning the odds of this job amounting into something bigger with the company is looking like less and less of an option. The work is very mindless, monotonous and simple. I can go on "autopilot" and not even really think about what I'm doing because the work is so menial and easy. Not being able to actively think and engage myself by doing things such as brainstorming ideas and not being able to challenge myself and grow as a person gets to my psyche more than I ever thought it would and makes me uneasy. So while I was planning on staying with the company full-time for about six months to try and work my way to a higher-level status in the company, due to the financial situation I find myself in, that no longer seems like it could even be a possibility even if I liked working retail. So now I'm back on that LinkedIn/CareerBuilder/Monster/Indeed grind; constantly sending out resumes and cover letters. It does disappoint me, as I was not looking for something not so fleeting and temporary. I believed that I could grow within the company within a matter of months, but that is just not the case.

BUT ALAS! SOME GOOD NEWS! I recently found a position that I REEEEEAAAALLLYYY like in the sales/communication field, and I can confidently say that I meet every piece of criteria they're looking for under the job requirements list on the posting. I just submitted all my information through an employee that happens to be a distant relative of mine that made sure he referred my application to the hiring manager, so I'll be waiting to hear back from the company hopefully within the next few business days. I'm not going to get into specifics about its location/job title/description on here right now just because I don't want to jinx myself, but GOOD VIBES ARE WELCOME!  I need all the help I can get!

2) APARTMENT HUNTING
LOL. I don't know what possibly made me think that this process was going to be super fun when I first began looking for places to live after July 31st. This past month has thrown me for a loop regarding not only finding an apartment (that is preferably safe, in a good location, has an adequate amount of room, and doesn't break the bank) but also finding roommates. Since my last blog entry, I have had 16 potentials (a Craigslist ad contributed to that number, FYI), but as of yesterday afternoon in fact, I'm pretty sure I have found two other roommates for a 3BR apartment somewhere on the north side. One of them is Ken, also a recent college grad from University of Tulsa whose mom went to Valpo with my mom, and was in fact my mom's grand little in her sorority. Their family recently moved to the Forest Park area, and my mom and his mom reconnected a few weeks ago. Ken needed a roommate, and I needed a roommate, so our mom worked their magic and we began texting, then met in person, and actually went on an apartment viewing together this past Tuesday on Lawrence (definite nope). The other roommate that completes the trio is Sue, also a recent college graduate from a school in the south whom I met through the Chi Omega Fraternity group on LinkedIn (GREEK LIFE NETWORKING FTW)!

As for finding that perfect 3 BR apartment though? It has been a less than pleasant process thus far, but I know something will come up. Unfortunately, after touring The Dreamhouse (see last entry) with my mom a few weeks ago and both of us falling madly in love with it/wanting to show it to Ken ASAP so we could look at signing that lease ASAP and then sending a text to the landlord of The Dreamhouse on Monday night, I woke up to a text back from him saying that a couple had literally signed the lease the night before....actual heartbreak.

SO NOW, I've been aggressively stalking Craigslist and PadMapper whenever I'm not working/applying to jobs in order to look at all the possibilities we can find. I mean, lets be real; in a perfect world we'd find a 3BR, spacious, attractive/secure, and moderately priced apartment in Lincoln Park or Lakeview. I suppose we shouldn't go into this process expecting a miracle, but I know for fact that Craigslist has a knack for having some hidden gems. I can only hope such a situation happens to us. I know we'd all be content living in Edgewater, Andersonville, and south Rogers Park if need be.

3) $$$
Ugh. I hate talking about money, because like 99.97% of people in the world, its something that I feel like I will never have enough of. After receiving some unexpected news that the little bit of extra cushioning money I was relying in effort to get on my feet for a few months in the beginning is now no longer a possibility. The very real threat of me not having enough money in order to literally survive while living off of the tightest budget possible in Chicago (includes: groceries, rent, utilities, cell phone, internet, CTA monthly pass) is never not on my mind. It goes without saying that if I cannot find a salary-based position ASAP, I will absolutely need to find a second job in addition to Zara to make ends meet until that salary-based position happens.

It was recently suggested to me that I should expand my job search outside of Chicago, and to be honest, I shudder at that thought at the moment. It has been a life goal of mine to live in Chicago; especially since I finally am free to have the chance to live there now that I'm no longer under any obligation to return anywhere for school come mid-August. While I know it'd be extremely difficult and very exhausting, I would work two jobs if that meant being able to live in an environment that is constantly so full of life and culture and energy. Of course, I'm applying to other places just to see whats out there, but it will take a lot of heavy convincing to relocate me to another place. I know I'm at an advantage if some kind of perfect position wants to hire me in some place other than Chicago; I'm young, motivated, unattached from any kind of significant other, free from all debts other than some of those pesky student loans, and I know I'll have access to a car if necessary. If a phenomenal opportunity arose for me elsewhere, who am I to say no?

While the option of relocating is still technically open, I can't see myself moving away from here in the foreseeable future. This city has a vice on me that will remain until I actually become a part of it. I WILL find a way to make it work. I will because I have to do this for myself. 


SO. Whats next you may ask? I am almost certainly going to move into Chicago with my two roommates I've found, and I'm of course planning to keep on applying to any place that fits the criteria I studied over the past 4 years in college and keep on generating as much income as I humanly can in the meantime. I have 33 days left until I have to be totally and completely on my own in my own apartment with my own security, and I'd be lying if I said I'm not a little petrified at how quickly that day is coming up, and not finding "home" in Forest Park anymore. But I'm trying to feel that fear and make it motivate me and strengthen me and turn that fear into sheer elation. The unknown and unfamiliar future is scarier than the comfortable and safe present certainty, but the unfamiliar is always without a doubt the more exciting endeavor.

Most importantly, I've been reminded very early on throughout this post-grad life that sometimes things won't go as they're planned, no matter the circumstance. It can be a job, a relationship, a trip, your own personal "Dreamhouse" apartment, or your entire overall map of your future life with marriage and children and grandchildren and retirement...it doesn't matter. The most important part is to bounce back and not let yourself get defeated when those best laid plans go awry, because they will. But sometimes, those plans not following through may just be the best thing that can happen to you. 

Of course, I'll let you all know when I know my skewed path leads me to the right direction. In the meantime, I'll appreciate the journey of getting where I'm supposed to go.

Until next time,
Rachel ❥

Thought(s) of the day:

Step 1 of adulthood: ✓

I'll begin this post with saying that I have very very good news, aaaand not-as-very-good-but-not-quite-bad-news:

1) JOB(S) - After hearing the ear bleeding news that the 48723947892 places that I've been applying to for a real life job with a salary and benefits probably won't actually be contacting me for an interview for a couple of months....

I GOT A FULL-TIME JOB! I GOT A FULL-TIME JOB! I GOT A FULL-TIME JOB! I GOT A FULL-TIME JOB!

If you're a frequenter of my blog, you know that technically I didn't have "a couple of months" to sit around and wait for something to fall in my lap due to my family rollin out, sooooo last Thursday I applied at Zara, a clothing store based in Spain that I have a slight-moderate obsession with at the Randolph/State street location that is a part of the Block 37 mall. I filled out the application/turned in my resume, scored another follow-up interview today at 2PM, was interviewed by managers Katie and Tara, and received an offer as a full time associate! While I wasn't originally thinking about going into retail after graduation, I am really excited about getting employed there, as I vocalized during both my first and second interview that I would love to work my way up through the company, and would be honored to work my way up to maybe management eventually, or corporate. I mentioned that I was a communication major with a minor in theatre, and they both mentioned how I could potentially be a fashion PR professional if I prove myself and decide to advance my career.

These are the two questions I asked at the conclusion of my interview to both of my employers and what their answers were:

1. What is your favorite thing about working at Zara?
They both mentioned how its something different every day, and that there is always some kind of new and different challenge to tackle every day whilst at work, and that its never a boring day. Tara mentioned how much she loves the clothing and that getting new pieces every week is always exciting since they never know what they're going to receive next.
2. What goals does this Zara location have for the next 6 months-year?
Since this particular store is doing extremely well, their current location is beginning to feel too small for the amount of business that they could be doing, meaning they'd be looking to expand somewhere on State Street proper, or open up another store across the way for their nicest/most exclusive line. The point is, there is going to be a great deal of expansion in the very near future, which is something that I would be so excited and privileged to be a part of.

In short, I'm so excited to be able to contribute myself to a company that is taking off with new and expanded locations throughout the world that will allow me to work with European fashion every day.

(and onto the not as fun topic that still needs to be figured out ASAP)

2) APARTMENT(S) - Now, for a slightly less thrilling update, the whole finding a place to live within the next 6-8 weeks thing has easily been the most agonizingly rough process. Me and one of my best friends Brea from Valpz are planning to live together, HOWEVER its also imperative that Brea finds a job before she can commit to an apartment. ALSO, in order to move into the dream apartment (more about that later), we need a third roommate. Preferably a friendly girl between the ages of 21-27 that would be okay with having one cat around. So.....if you have any friends or if your friends have friends looking to live in Chicago that fall into those three main categories, tell them to hit me up ayyy-sap.

But anyways, on Sunday, me and my friend Lauren took a quick lil walk around south Rogers Park so I could take pictures/put down information for available/affordable/nice apartments in the area. These are a sample of some of the places I found:

While the places above^ would probably be perfectly fine, I couldn't help but shake the thought that there had to be something better...

...and I was right.

The picture above is 1310 W Arthur Ave, a house I've noticed and passed many a times en route to my friend's house a few blocks away from the Loyola CTA Red Line station. I've always admired it, as the landlords have always done an excellent job at keeping it looking picturesque and put together with the fetching curb appeal. 

 Virtual Tour of 1310 W Arthur Ave.

The apartment is 3 Bedrooms/1 Bathroom and is overall 1,900 square feet. As you can see in the above video, it has huge beautiful bay windows, nice historic detailing, A DISHWASHER, free laundry, and tons of extra storage space in the basement. ANNNNND as if it couldn't get any better, its a reasonable price per month, cats are allowed, and they offer a July 15th move-in. 

But what is the very best/most interesting part/something I think may just so happen to be a sign that this is the place?

How ironic is it that our prospective landlord is from Valparaiso, IN and has extended family in Chesterton? I have yet to meet anyone that resides in this area thats ever even heard of Valpo, let alone Chesterton. Usually when I tell Chicagoans, potential employers/city college students/resident that I go/went to Valparaiso University, they nod their head and do this "Oh okay" thing, which typically prompts me to add something along the lines of, "Oh, haha, its just about an hour away in Northwest Indiana!" or "We're really well known for our basketball team! In fact we made it into the NCAA Sweet Sixteen last year!" so they in turn know its actually quite close by/may ring some bells if they hear our basketball team is good. However, Greg gets it!!! THEY GET IT!!!

(The only issue is, of course, finding that third person to live with us/making sure the two of us have some kind of an income to make a life there.)

Sometime within the next week or so, Brea and I will be scheduling a meeting with some apartment finding services such as Apartment People or Chicago Apartment Finders, where we can explain both of our money/job/living situations and see what the apartment experts have to say about what/where we can or cannot afford and then show us apartment listings that would suit us well. I gotta say though, I'm not giving up on this W Arthur, a.k.a. my Dream home very easily. 

Also, this weekend I'm jetting out east to Maryland and Pennsylvania to see some family that I haven't seen in quite awhile which will be a nice little break before my schedule gets crazy hectic again. Plus, Mama and me will be spending a day in D.C. where we get to go to all our favorite Smithsonian museums and explore and act like tourists for a leeeeettle while ;)

I'll write after I return from ze Capital! In the meantime, if you don't already, please feel free to follow me on Twitter and/or Instagram :)

Love alwayzzz,

Rachel Noel ♡♡♡

Oh and P.S. Since I'm an enormous sucker for quotes/after I incorporated one into my blog last week, I made the conscious decision to add a little "Thought of the Day" quote to my blog at the end of every entry I make, so here ya go:

The future approaches ruthlessly fast, and time waits for nobody.

My apologies; it has been a HOT second since I last posted. In my defense, its been a hell of a few weeks and I've had a lot on my plate, with little time to decompress anything/everything that has happened or any of my thoughts. I'll break all the important things down for you all:

1) GRADUATION

The day I had loooooong been waiting for. Yep, it actually happened. I became a college graduate on May 17th. As I entered the ARC in my cap and gown and heard Pomp and Circumstance being played by the band, it was hard to be a little emotional and overwhelmed by it all. I was...done. With college. With school. It signified the end of being a student after the past 17 or so years. Frankly, being a student is something second nature to me. Homework, BlackBoard, assigned reading and PowerPoint presentations have consumed a rather large portion of my life over the past number of years. Its scary to not be able to rely on the familiar title of being a "student" anymore or probably ever again.

But that all said, I am so ecstatic to be on to my next life adventure!!!!*

Probs the one time in my life that I was clearly excited to be clad in head to toe brown

Straight cheesin

With my favorite Valpo Alumni, my mama. ♥

❤️

I would just like to point out that I was "First BA"dass (lawlz) to graduate. Its okay though, I didn't trip or make a fool out of myself like I was expecting.

Shaking the main Valpo man's hand

As a person who typically can be found supergluing her fingers together or somehow spontaneously bleeding while doing crafts, I'm pretty proud of this creation.

*BUT OF COURSE, a part of being on this adventure as a college graduate means getting a reputable real life job with things like a salary and benefits....needless to say thats something I'm in the process of working on...

2) My Stepdad's Retirement Celebration

Ironically, as I make the transition to one stage of life from a vocational perspective, my stepdad Bill is making a transition to another stage. This is his last year teaching at Grace Lutheran, my elementary school alma mater and home church. Its bizarre to think about the fact he's been a teacher there for 14 years, with almost 12 of them being my stepdad.

Last Sunday, a retirement luncheon in honor of Bill and two of my other past grade school teachers was held.

(Fact: me and my stepbrother Mike share the same kindergarten teacher who was also honored at the retirement luncheon. The cutie on the bottom left poppin in is my niece/Mike's daughter, Maddie)


One of a kind stained glass piece made for Bill

 

Overall, it was a quick but great weekend spent with my pretty great relatives.

(And Chachi, naturally)

3) Picturing how incredibly different my life is going to be like in the (frighteningly) near future

The last night in this Forest Park townhouse where I lived more than half my life is July 31st, 2014, and my parents and Chachi officially peace out of the USA and leave for Slovakia on August 20th, 2014, which oddly enough marks exactly a year since I left for Germany to study abroad. 

And just like that, two people and one little dog that have been "home" to me for quite some time now will be 4,743 miles and one very large and deep pond away from me.

It hasn't quite sunk in that the times I can call my mom as soon as I wake up around 9-10AM and talk with her about our daily plans or text her photos of the cat sitting in a ridiculous pose on the couch or drive the creative back way to Oakbrook mall in order to avoid the expressway, or listen to SportsCenter echoing throughout the house after my Bill gets home from school, or times to take Chachi on long walks around the neighborhood and watch him get enraptured over bunnies and squirrels are numbered. 

These small, seemingly insignificant and ordinary events that I have become familiarized with throughout my life are drawing to a close, and I can't help but feel uneasy with it ending so soon. The home I built here in this space, surrounded currently by the walls that watched me grow up; walls that currently enclose me as I type these words out. Walls that won't belong to me come August like they have since Bill and my mom married in August 2002. Thinker/teacher/philosopher Jiddu Krishnamurti is quoted saying, "One is never afraid of the unknown; one is afraid of the known coming to an end." Krishnamurti makes a good point, as I know the life I have here and now in this house in this neighborhood like the back of my hand and its comfortable for me. Unsurprisingly, its a very strange feeling to be forced to let go of something that was literally your life for the most poignant years of life thus far.

That said, I'm a firm believer in the idea that life isn't meant to be lived in just one place, and a part of becoming who you are and knowing yourself are can only be realized by leaving pieces of your past behind. Frankly, how can you possibly expect to change and develop as a human being if you continue to clutch unto parts of you that are just empty voids of the person you once were? It could be a hobby or a habit or a tick or an ex or a mistake or anything. What is the point of holding on to those parts of your being that no longer serve you or grow you or make you into the best possible "you" that you can be?

After returning from living in Europe for 4 months first semester of senior year, I began to finally truly understand the saying that you'll never feel completely at home again after traveling and experiencing new places and creating a "home" using what you've got to work with. While the whirlwind of all these significant life events that include both myself and my immediate family that have/are occurring so rapidly and all at once leaves me in a bit of a dizzy spell, I know once things finally fall into place all this madness and frustration and insanity and uncertainty that is consuming me as I work to create and establish a place for myself in the adult world will all be worth it in the end. 

Just like how I left a piece of myself in Reutlingen, Germany and a piece of myself in Valparaiso, IN, a piece of who I am will be left here in this house with the seemingly trivial and inconsequential fragments of what growing up here has been like over the past decade for myself.

This long and lengthy chapter of my life here is drawing at a close and things that are seemingly so vital and necessary will soon be just pieces of the past. But that's okay; I need to make room for the vital and necessary pieces of this new life that is beginning, I'm sure that the chapter following this one will be even better.

Until next time loves,

Rachel ☆

Before, After, and whatever you put between them.

Okay so I know I can't be the only person that totally loves before and after photos, right? I'm admittedly a huge sucker for seeing how things change over time with, or without, effort. No matter what it is, I love looking at such comparisons in situations that include technically the same object or person. This includes but is not limited to makeover TV shows, the dramatically frustrated people in the black in white film on infomercials, HGTV in general, #TransformationTuesday pictures, and weight loss side-by-side comparisons that show what healthy diet/exercise adjustments can do. The "before" half is almost always not nearly as pretty, useful, smart, defined, or as healthy as its "after" counterpart, because naturally someone did something and put in the effort to make it better in some way for some reason.

I spent my Tuesday morning volunteering at Bridgeport Arts Center on the South side right by U.S. Cellular, a neighborhood I'm not familiar with in Chicago, but really enjoyed getting to see this awesome neighborhood in addition to volunteering for an event so unique and different. Every year, they host a "party" for a few different Chicago Public High Schools, where each student can paint and create their own little block of artwork and then get a free lunch. All day, I literally walked to and from different sinks dumping paint water and refilling the paint water. It was tedious, but mindless and easy, plus I got to look at all of the different artwork while in the midst of the students creating it.

I quickly got the vibe that all of these students were high school seniors, as many of them painted recognizable copies of different college logos in their future school's colors on their piece of canvas, and several of them I could tell were intending to use their projects as Mother's Day gifts or an anniversary gift or a best friend plaque. What really got me thinking was how these kids were only about 4 years younger than me, and I could literally feel how much of a different person I was 4 years ago at this time. I remember exactly who I was back at this time; bubbling over in excitement that college was finally here, so excited, so ready for it. I still recognize that sort of anticipation within myself, as I'm feeling it right now as I await college graduation in nine days.

Its true that you never really know how things are going to end up, no matter how many great plans you make, or how many goals you create. Four years ago, everything was different. My friends I chilled with all the time, my wardrobe, my body, my relationship status, my priorities, my thoughts...after all this time, I'm not the same person I was. In fact, I'm nothing like that person, and I know that I'll never be like that person ever again in my life.

It was difficult for me to have anything in common with the high schoolers I worked with. These are the people that take group pic selfies in the bathroom with their glossy iPhone 5s, rarely say please or thank you, Snapchat across the table from each other, and write things like "PROSSER HS FOOTBALL HELL YEAH" and "Alexa and Augusto, 4-22-14 *heart*"on anything they can get their hands on. I wish I could've just told them that things that probably mean everything to them right now won't matter in four years, let alone one year. I wanted to tell them to always be polite, especially to people older than them. I wanted to tell them how important face-to-face communication is and always will be, and that not everything in life depends on their amount of likes on an Instagram picture, or things you believe are going to last forever never do. I want to tell them about how I was so much like them four years ago, and that nothing ever happens like you expect it will. I wasn't expecting to be a 'sorority girl'. I wasn't expecting to have lost as much weight as I did. I wasn't expecting the characters that theatre gave me. I wasn't expecting that Reutlingen, Germany would be my home for four months. I wasn't expecting the truly horrible things that happened. I wasn't expecting the amount/degree of which I would love/break my heart. I wasn't expecting the friends I ended college with to have become so important to me over time. I wasn't expecting all the odd jobs and obligations and things I did. Above all, I wasn't expecting how after years of hurt, pain, loneliness, despair, fear and sadness that I'd find myself so unbelievably happy with the way my life has turned out at this time.

Senior banner signed by all students

Its funny; in the grand scheme of things, four years really isn't very long of a time at all. Think of childhood for example; at age 4 you are a child and at age 8 you are a child and at ages 11 and 15 and 18 you are still a child in almost all senses of the word as you have never been on your own before. Still young and naive and overall still so very wide-eyed and innocent regarding what you know about yourself and the world. However, interestingly enough, the things you experience between the ages of 18-22 are the most intriguing to evaluate, because the amount of experiences you get during those years typically tend to be the experiences that help you grow and discover yourself. At my school at least, I personally think you discover who you are in the comfy, safe Valpo bubble at some point during your time here, and in the bubble you nurture yourself/allow yourself to be nurtured until you realize that you've gotten too big for the bubble, and suddenly the feeling that was once comfort feels like suffocating and the safety the bubble provides begins to feel arbitrary, annoying and useless.

I can feel myself outside of the bubble now, and frankly I have felt out of place for awhile now. I have been supported, brought up, and educated in the Valpo way and I am so thankful for everything that I've learned, but now its time to go. Its time to leave the bubble behind for something new. Something better. Something unknown and unfamiliar. I know this because I compare and contrast the girl who came to Valpo in 2010 with this woman thats leaving Valpo in 2014, and I am no longer her. I am no longer insecure, scared, naive, hopeless and childish. I'm confident, smarter, more useful, more defined, and healthier. I have become an "after" to my young and eager and bushy-tailed "before" from so many years ago, and for that I am content with how Valpo transformed me.

And in four years from now you may ask? Well, lets hope I achieve so much so that I can refer to today's "after" as tomorrow's "before".

Love always,
Rachel

Pictures from volunteering at Bridgeport Art Center Sky Loft, Chicago, IL.